Tuesday, September 1, 2015

My Emotional Abuse Story

Hey cupcakes! As you can see from the title, this post will be more serious than the things I normally post about... I will be going off to college in a few days and was required by my school to take a brief sexual assault and abusive relationship course. As the course was going along, I kept thinking that I should share my abuse story with all of my followers in the hopes that even one person will be helped by it....

So let's go back a couple years.... I was a freshmen in high school. My school was extremely academically challenging, so it was a HUGE adjustment for me. I was meeting so many new people, studying hard, and trying to participate in sports and other extracurriculars. I wasn't necessarily looking for a boyfriend, but there was a super cute guy in my gym class... We started talking in class and eventually started to text.. And I started to like him as more than a friend.

One Saturday we were texting, and he asked me to be his girlfriend (which really should have been my first red flag because it is so unclassy to ask someone out over a text!). I said yes, and looked forward to see him on Tuesday (it was a three day weekend, so we didn't have school on Monday). We texted a lot over the course of the three day weekend, and the things he said to me made me envision this great guy. He complimented me on my looks and how smart I was, made me laugh because he was super funny, told me his life goals, and gushed how happy he was I said yes blah blah blah. He seemed like the ultimate high school boyfriend.

Tuesday came around, and I made myself look extra pretty to see him in the morning. If you arrived at my school early, you would hang out in the cafeteria before class. I waited for him to get there and when he did... he ignored me! Like flat out avoided me! I was so confused. He even avoided me in the one class we had together. So that night, I asked him why he didn't talk to me (or even acknowledge me) and all he said was that he didn't feel like it. I told him I didn't want to pretend he was my boyfriend if he wouldn't even speak to me, so I broke up with him. I had too much to deal with in my life than to struggle with a relationship. This may seem harsh, but I guarantee it was needed at the time... We lasted four day in an actual relationship. Then it got bad.

As soon as I broke up with him, he would not stop texting me. Like seriously. He got so angry with me and told me that I broke up with him because I wanted a "rich man" (um what?!?!) and that I was a whore and a slut and a bitch and was worth nothing. At first I just dealt with the texts because I thought he was just angry that I broke up with him. I figured his anger would end after a day or so, but it went on and on and on. His personality literally changed! He told me he was going to kill himself if I didn't get back together with him (and the next day didn't show up at school just so I would worry), that he was going to hurt me, etc. etc. He would stare me down in the hallway and made me feel scared to be alone in my own school. This was constant for like a LONG time after the breakup, so I started asking a close guy friend what to do. This friend tried to talk to my ex about leaving me alone... And my ex then thought I was dating this friend. He started up with more texts about me being a whore and how I'm sleeping with this friend blah blah blah and how he cheated on me when we dated (umm in the course of four days?)..... He even tried to beat my friend up in the parking lot!

After that incident, I think he gave up. His texts were less constant and school got out for the summer. He ended up transferring to another school for sophomore year, so I thankfully did not have to see him ever again.

Emotional abuse: any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self worth

A few months after the relationship, I realized that I had been emotionally abused by this boyfriend. I was not sexually or physically abused by him, but emotional abuse is just as bad. After his constant texts, I started to believe the things he said. My confidence level was completely shattered, and I thought I didn't deserve anything. I started to only focus on my studies and didn't make time for friends. The thought of dating someone else didn't exist at the time. I kept to myself and walked with my head down in the hallways. I felt that everyone was judging me. I used to perform in assemblies at my school and after the breakup he would stare at me and make me so nervous and uncomfortable that I stopped doing it. For the rest of freshmen year, sophomore year, and part of junior year, I was pretty unhappy. I had barely any self esteem left, not many friends, and didn't believe in myself. Even to this day, I still get nervous before I perform (before him I never did) because part of my brain thinks he will be in the audience judging me. It took me a move across the country to finally begin to repair myself the last couple years of high school.

That is not okay.

On a certain level, emotional abuse can be worse than other forms of abuse because it happens inside your head. Even when the antagonist is out of your life, YOU are still being affect YEARS after the incident. I personally think it is cruel and unfair. As this website puts it, "just because there is no physical mark, doesn't mean the abuse isn't real".

 If you believe you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, I suggest you get out of it as soon as possible! I encourage any of you who have been affected by a bad relationship to write a post, post a comment so I can help, seek help, or just talk about the issue with someone you trust. I promise that you deserve the best <3 Talk to your family or closest friends to get the support you need to mend the wounds from the abuse. YOU DESERVE BETTER! If you aren't being treated with respect, that relationship is unhealthy for you.

There are people who care. I care, and I am always here for anyone who needs help :)

4 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I'm glad you shared your story, it's very brave!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a strong lady.

    Love Vikee

    ReplyDelete

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